The Demons That Haunt Us And Blacken Our Souls
by 46captain46
Summary: CW SPOILERS. Steve has nightmares and the only one that seems to be able to calm him down is Bucky. Maybe not so many things have changed after all. Stucky! Just so we are clear.


Hey guys! So with the exams going on I didn't have time to upload anything but I've written quite a lot. This is a light Civil War AU with me ignoring the mid-credits scene. Anyway a huge thank you to my beta ForeverShippingJohnlock and my dear friend Melanie for always being there for me.

Now! Off with the story!

* * *

T'Challa had invited them to stay with him and Steve couldn't be more grateful. He and Bucky had a place to stay that protected them and he didn't have to worry about what would happen if they were found. Not that Steve would have let them even come close to Bucky.

Two days have passed since T'Challa had offered a refuge and Steve hasn't slept since. He is too busy watching over his best friend, making sure that when he wakes up from the nightmares that were bound to haunt him, Steve will be the first face he sees, the only face he can show weakness to.

And Steve is always there.

Another reason Steve doesn't sleep is because after they got him out of the ice, the only things that appear in his dreams are just painful memories. He doesn't like sleep anymore. He despises it. Sleep is meant to be relaxing and comfortable, not sweaty and full of tears unshed.

Bucky doesn't like sleep either, but he knows that Steve will be there when he wakes up so this makes the process a little more bearable. He loves opening his eyes after remembering all the horrible things he did and seeing these stunning blues looking at him with worry and love. _God,_ so much love. Bucky relishes waking up this way and it almost makes the nightmares and all the waiting worth it.

His sleep, though, is filled with so many horrid images and the blood, the _blood_. It's _everywhere_. And no matter how much he runs, how far he goes, he can't escape his actions.

But somehow Steve makes it better. The nightmares are not so frequent and they are not so vivid anymore. Bucky also smiles more. Just little twitches of his mouth but it's progress and they both know it. Steve is laughing too and most of the time this beautiful sound is what makes him smile a little more and manages to make his heart flutter.

What bothers him, though, is the fact that sometimes Steve's laugh sounds forced. Maybe not to Clint or Sam or anyone else, but to Bucky it does. It causes an ugly feeling to swirl in his stomach. _Is that what your heart breaking feels like?_

These are the days he doesn't get too close to Steve, no matter how much he wants to. The blonde needs his space and doesn't need Bucky following him around like a lost fucking puppy. Except that he does. Except that these are the times Steve needs him closer that ever. He doesn't say anything though. He doesn't want to overstep any boundaries.

Neither of them realizes how much the one needs the other.

Bucky doesn't know about Steve's nightmares. No one knows about them. No one ever thinks that the strong Captain America can feel guilt, can feel pain. No one sees that Captain America is _human_.

Bucky was the only one that ever saw him for who he was. Steve. But he still doesn't know about the dreams that haunt America's golden boy every night. Steve hasn't told him.

One day Bucky wakes up in the middle of the night. Steve isn't beside him but then again, it wasn't a nightmare that woke him. Not one of his, at least. Someone is calling his name again and again, whimpering and muffled screams filling the room. He immediately recognises this person as Steve, his voice carved in his mind with silver ink.

Steve is on the floor beside his bed, his eyes closed firmly and a painful expression has masked his beautiful, youthful face that shows exactly how much he tries to hide during the day.

Bucky slowly gets off his bed and kneels beside his best friend, hand ghosting above his pale face. _The fool didn't even bother covering himself with a blanket. Punk._

Bucky gently touches the blonde's cheek.

"Steve? Stevie, wake up."

"No! Nononono. NO. BUCKY!" Bucky starts shaking him now, trying to wake him up. He has never seen Steve this way. His best friend is always so collected, despite the fact that Bucky can see right through the façade, an ability he developed when he first met Steve. Seeing him unguarded and so, so desperate makes Bucky want to punch something. _Hard_.

"Steve, wake up!"

Taking a deep breath, Steve opens his eyes, bolting upright. He gasps for air and his gaze darts around the room, desperately searching for something. As his eyes land on Bucky, they fill with tears and for the first time in seventy years, Bucky takes his Steve into a hug. Steve clutches onto him tightly and breathes out a faint "Bucky" full of so much relief it's almost physically painful.

"I'm here, Stevie. I'm here, don't worry, nobody's going to hurt you." Bucky whispers what he hopes are comforting words, but Steve shakes his head frantically, without uttering a word, bringing Bucky impossibly closer.

They stay like that for what seems like hours. Each other's arms were always their shelter. They always came back to them. No matter what.

Eventually, Steve's harsh breathing slows down and he stops shaking, while Bucky threads his fingers through the soft blonde hair. It's been so long since _he_ has done the comforting.

Steve firmly closes his eyes and draws a few breaths in.

"Please don't leave me. I won't survive if you slip through my fingers again. I-I can't take it." He is begging and Bucky feels something break inside of him. _Is that what your soul cracking feels like?_

"Shhh, Stevie. It's okay. I'm not going anywhere," he says as he continues running his fingers through Steve's hair and rubs his back soothingly.

Tears escape Steve's eyes because it's been too long. Too long since he was held by him, too long since he could smell the unmistakable aroma that just screams Bucky, too long since he has heard that voice being so gentle and soft. Just _too fucking long._

Bucky feels his own eyes watering, as he remembers nights too cold when they cuddled together, as he reminisces joyful smiles and carefree laughs and all the things he had once.

At that exact moment he is sure of one thing. The only thing he has ever been sure of.

"I love you." The gasp that is heard is the only warning he gets before soft pink lips cover his own, their salty tears mixing and neither Bucky nor Steve could have asked for more. Could have wanted more.

They kiss softly and nothing needs to be said as everything is revealed and neither wants to take anything back. Even after the kiss ends and they rest their foreheads together, they don't break off the hug or attempt to explain. They both know as they always did. It's what makes them, well, _them_ , and Steve is proud of how far they have come.

"I love you too, Buck. 'Til the end of the line." Bucky's answering smile is blinding and Steve feels his heart ready to burst out of his chest.

"'Til the end of the line," Bucky promises back and his eyes are dancing. Steve hasn't seen him this happy since before the war, and it makes a smile form on his lips too.

"Now let's go back to sleep, punk."

"Jerk."

And as they drift off to sleep in each other's arms, with their smiles still intact, they are happier than they have both been in a very, very long time.

From then on, they sleep in the same room and nobody objects. They deserve it after all.

* * *

Sooo, that's it! I hope you liked it and as always reviews are welcomed and I love them!

Byeeee

46captain46


End file.
